||[Sep. 8th, 2009|01:51 pm]
I've been having these crazy dreams lately. Most of them being hellish nightmares. I don't know why and I don't really like waking up at 2am in a cold sweat and freaking the hell out from them.|
Last night, however, I had a VERY odd dream. My ex and I for some reason had to go to Lowes to get some hardware. In my dream I was still with Andrew. He was laying at home except not in the bed, on the floor with many pillows and blankets, and he was kissing me as I left with my mom to go to Lowes to meet Ed. Andrew got angry at me in the dream because I took so long.... I was only at Lowes for a little while and I tried explaining I had went out with my mom afterwards.... i forget hwere - that part of the dream was irrelevant and hazy. Anyway, My ex and I were driving in his explorer... and I looked at him as he said "I'm sorry, hunny." and I replied "don't call me hunny. I'm not your hunny anymore. You're the one that left ME. You told me you wanted to marry me.... even up til a week before you just stopped calling and didn't want to see me anymore." I started crying in the dream as I went on to tell him " You ruined my life, Ed. You ruined my life."
He said, "I wish we could still be together but I'm with her now, and you have Andrew." and i replied "Yes I do and I love him so much." Ed took his hand and rubbed the tears away on one side and help my chin (not like he ever did to me in real life), and said, " andrew's nice. and i wish i could take it back and i wish we could be together. We're better off though. We have completely different personalities and you hate me anyway. We weren't meant to be together. You know that. We were always different." and i agreed, " You're right, we were never meant to be together."
In that dream, basically it was closure. Because in real life i never got closure. he never told me why it ended, he never talked about it. he just stopped calling, stopped answering, started growing more and more distant. and broke my heart. Now i'm glad he did what he did. I have Andrew and I love him with all my heart.