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Bloody Hell [Apr. 19th, 2005|09:26 am]
[mood |thirstythirsty]
[music |Motograder]

Yup... bloody hell. In school again. Hah... learning things I already know. How pathetic huh... so I sit here on my ass surfing the interent 4 hrs at a time, with numerous smoke breaks of course... not the goooood stuff though unfortunatly. I need to get a job so I needa be clean unfortunatly. I know it totally blows right?
I finally talekd to Josh and Jess last night... that made me happy. What DIDNT make me happy was that I had to call fred to get something of mine back. Grrrr. I tried to get my family to do it for me but no one would... and he even thought that i was calling him just to say hi. argh. anywho *sighs* i'm not too sure if i wanna go up that way this summer... my parents always do. i don't know... maybe after he goes away to college or something ill visit that way again... fred-free. YAy. Don't want to walk around in "polluted air."
It's been nice out lately. Kickin out the shorts here and the 311 tank. Alllll black of course... from the shoes to the necklace. Oh yah... I drove down to Longbranch yesterday afternoon to hang out with Ed at work as usual. I dressed little Eddie up in his SpiderMan outfit. He looked adorable. I took him to the mall with me to get a birthday present and let him scarf down some pretzels with me. Then later that night, after Ed got off work, he took me to a piercing/tattoo shop on Broadway... cause yup... my barbell wouldn't come the fuck off. So he got me a ring... a size up... it stretched and it burned when the guy did it... He also had to use wire cutters to get the original off. After I eventually get my tattoo.... or before? hmm... I'm going to put another piercing in my ear. and maybe the eyebrow one of these days. I like the librette piercings but i cant stand the fact of a needle going anyyyyywhere near my mouth. I'm deathly afraid of needles. See my ear... it was quick and i couldnt see it. Ahhhh. Ok. Gotta jet... later
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Nothingness... a whole bunch of it [Apr. 12th, 2005|09:31 am]
[mood |blahblah]

I feel so tired. it's my first day back to school and im fucking bored as hell. i had to have ed wake me up this morning, and our alarm clock, andddd my phone (5 alarms). It takes a fireworks truck going through a nitroglycerin plant 10 times to wake me up. Maybe lazy? Hmm tired, got to sleep at like 2 and woke up at 6:20. It blows that i have to do this every tuesday, and i even showed up yesterday, when my schedual had been changed and i had no class. Oh fuckin well.
The other day, me ed and eddie went to the beach in keansburg... you can see the city, staten island, sandyhook, and the highlands from there. It's pretty cool... the weather was great... you didnt really even need a hoody down on the beach. The water is fucking freezing though... yeahhh I had flip-flops on. I thought my toes were going to drop off.
Man, I have not smoked the ganja in like a month. I'm gnawing my fucking arm off here... see I needed to clean my system for whatever job i wind up doing. So far I've applied to Subway (which i can walk to from my place in under a minute), and CVS on the corner of 36 and Palmer. I want to avoid driving as much as possible. School does it for me on that part. I drive and drive and drive and drive. arggghh. Anywho... once i get the job... yay... you know what I'm doing.
Hmmm, what other interesting things?? Not much. I havent hung out with ANY of my friends for like the last 3 weeks... and I haven't seen Jon for longer than that... and I havent seen Josh since the summer... our plans of him coming back up to Hazlet got wiped out. Goddamn.
I watched 50 First Dates last night. I loveeee that movie, and it had been a while. Ed bought the DVD for me so we could watch it. I like when Drew Berrymore beats the fuckin shit out of "H's" friend with a fucking aluminum bat. hahaha
Anywho...I'm bored but yeahhh i'm gonna go read the "Weird News" on the net. They got some pretty fucked up things on it. Lol. And I'll eventually get some new pictures up on the web. Well from the last 4 months that is. I've gotta get a fuckin digi camera when i get a job.

-Ok... out -
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Another entry for all you sleepless readers later on tonight... [Mar. 15th, 2005|02:40 pm]
[mood |deviousdevious]
[music |MUSE]

I wish I could write in this thing at 4am like I used to do... then again that was when i had insomnia... and didn't go to sleep until what 6 or 7. Anywho... winter sucks... it's very depressing... and a lot of things have been depressing me, i feel like a horrible person towards different people, and my mom and i still fight. I'm not going to bitch about my mom though... except say that it is totally fucking out of her league, place, and right to go see fred and his family down in Maryland next month. Oh my god that is my fucking ex, and i despise him... she doesn't even try to think that that might be awkward for me... im sure they will talk about me, and i don't like it... i wanna just send a nice little warhead over to Cambridge Maryland next month. Burn.... i mean was it bad enough that i got yelled at by fred's mom. I'm sorry if your son has a fucking "so called nerous breakdown" because i dont want him back. (of course she heard from HIm differently. Hmm I wonder why). Maybe he should also tell his new girlfriend about putting a move on me and kissing me the last time and telling me that he would get back togehter with me.... which i turned down.he made ME cry... because I was played... and i wish he would perish. fuck little boys like you fred. and fuck anyone who believes your sorry little whiney ass... and god i feel bad for your girlfriend... if she has a head on her shoulders, maybe shell realize what a fuckin cry-baby you are. So YEAH>>>>> thats one biggggg reason why im pissed at my mom... and tons of others of course.... and she STIL HAS NO PATIENCE WITH ME.

Life is good though ill admit. and i dont work at domi fuckin nos anymore. thank fucking god... i have a life again. their pizza sucks anyway. i work at this place merendinos now... same town... better pizza, better tips, less trashy-ass customers.

As for within the last week.... Hmmm well Jess came up Saturday night and Kim stayed over too.... then the next day they took Eddie with them, and watched him all day. ____ ( i wont mention their name) started poppin pills and alchol and the mixture fucker her up, and my friend had to call 911.... and now they are in a mental institution for at least a month. i feel real bad...... real worried. its not what she deserved... cos it must suck... but if it will get her from popping pills and getting high off harmful things (WEed is ok lol mmm) then ill be happy if it works. im only concerned and so is jess. thats why she did what she did. I just felt horrible when i got the phonecall from jess. See I wasnt with them at the time. I went up to see Jon. I hadnt seen him in more than a couple weeks and i missed my friend... so i went out for like 6 hours. I came back early.... and jess had to stay at the hospital which sucked. We went to Panera and watched Fantasia.... Fantasia being stoned would be so awesome. or shrooms. ive not done shrooms yet... soon enough though.

Then last night, I went to Cluck-U with Ed and lil ed in the afternoon b4 work, and i rode around with them, until jessica came to pick me up. we wound up going back to my apartment though, because there was nothing in godsname to do, i didnt feel like going to the mall.... againnnnn lol. ive been there like 5 times or mmore in the last few weeks. argh. i remember thats all i used to do back in highschool.... walk around listening to my headphones and bumping into people.Well, I'm gonna jet.... I've got absolutely nothing to do here at school, and I'm going to go smoke now.... then leave... of course. :-P
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Yes I'm alive... or am i? [Mar. 15th, 2005|02:23 pm]
[mood |crappycrappy]
[music |Mindless Self Indulgence]

Yeah yeah yeah. I'm alive. I just don't have internet access anymore. I moved to Keansburg... got into a fight with Alex... I was EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE with the fact that he liked me... seemingly pretty much obsessivly... I mean I'd disappear to go hang out with guys... at the time he blew up whenever i went to see Jon... and i mean come the fuck on, I've known him a lot fucking longer than you.... and he didn't keep me up until 6 in the morning telling me how shitty i was making him feel, or how he wanted to kill himself, or just bitching about everything i did. i tried to be a good friend... but alex wanted more, and he always procrastinated over it and blah blah blah. he was really nice to me... but then his whole mood seemed to change. I think the "im sitting on the floor with a knife" and crying, is what really got to me.... The fucking 10 million calls I would recieve when I was at a friend's house or sleeping out... and the arguments and intense yelling if i didn't pick up. i saw him all the time, i lived under the same roof as my friend at the time, and he decided to bitch and complain that i never talked to him... haha BULLSHIT! And then if he found out i liked a guy... he'd be like "oh how can you like him, and not like me? what the fuck?!" ok, immature or what? can we say 2 year old. Oh, and if he found out i was fucking one of my friends... lol. I didn't even tell him about the first time i kissed Ed and stayed in the store with him until 3am. I didn't call him either to let him know where i was cos it wasnt any of his fucking business... and anywho... all he would do is bitch. now what does he sound like to you? A stalker. Yeah... even though i lived under the same roof, he was an obsessive compulsive stalker.

By the way, about beingg obsessive compuslvie... i definitly am..... just ask me why if youre interested... but anywho my point... OCD is not a bad thing. It just depends on who it is and with what... like alex, used it towards me and i felt stalked and smothered.... other people on the otherhand... ive complimented for their OCD. I told Jon the other night that I really respect his sense of routine. I wish I were able to commit to such a routine. But i am one of those weird spontaneous people who couldnt follow a routine besides work and school, if i wanted to. I'm late to school and doctors appointments all the time as well. Lol. Ahhh me..lol.
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blahhness [Sep. 27th, 2004|01:41 am]
[mood |distresseddistressed]
[music |nothing... buzzing]

Crayzee hair cutters. ill explain later.
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hmmm.... [Sep. 9th, 2004|02:06 am]
[mood |infuriatedyou can figure that one out]
[music |"feelin way too damn good" nickleback]

b . o . r . e . d . . . & d . e . p . r . e . s . s . e . d ...

what more is there to say?

a lot has happened since i last wrote in here... i mean a lottt. started classes yesterday (the 7th). still cant go to sleep at night (lets just put it this way, i am lucky if i get 3+ hours of sleep). well anywho... life isnt too bad right now i guess. it did take a turn for what myself and others who knew me said... the worst. it did for a couple of days, but sorta cleared up. not really. it still lingers in my mind, but oh well. it is over, thank zeus! zeus hehe. hmmm i dunno why i said zeus lol. well my family knows i smoke pot now. i dont think my dad ever cared too much... it was more the drinking thing that unsettled him, but my mom on the other hand went all loony and pyschotic, like i was a fucking drug addict... just remember that ive been accused of being on drugs before (which i never really). she considers pot like a lethal drug or some shit. i dont know, all i know is people are immature about the whole thing and also immature with trying to be peoples' "super-heroes" - so called that is. i think that so many people need to grow up... and grow up fast before they kill themselves... i hate complaining, its just i dont fit into my age group like i should. i do in a lot of aspects, but i feel like i should be a lot older already... i have set morals and beliefs, loddy dah dah.... and all the gravy.... i just feel like im in an age group with a bunch of retards who couldnt be mature for just one second even if they tried.

well anywho... matt is flying in on friday and im gonna drive out there with alex to go pick him up. my sister has school so she's not going, and she is a little too anal with her whole school thing to ever god-forbid take a day off. oh well that is her decision. come-on... live it up babe. hm... i am going to go watch my queer as folk dvd (volume 5... season 1... yes unfortunatly that isnt up to speed with current episodes, but it is still rather enchanting....) thats my favorite series. i really like that series that Jon has at his place... curb your enthusiasm... good stuff it is.... hmmm ok... tv time... then knock myself to bed for a couple hours' sleep before class tomorrow morning and then work... and then yes oh yes... almighty heavenly SUSHI!!! me and alex had a whollllle bunch of sushi in NY again,.... then again, when donnnnnnt we eat sushi. yes, we are sushi freaks. there i admit it!

</b>THings to look forward to:</b>
-Sushi tomorrow with my best bud
-Anottttther art class :-)
-getting my job over with tomorrow, until saturday :-/
-seeing Jon :-)
-my hunger death strike (cough cough i meant diet! yes diet they call it thesedays? hmmm rather interesting might i say!)
-possibly going to my old h.s.'s first football game of the season and seeing the whole marching band again! yay.
-getting rid of my bed and getting a futon! futons rock! little beds are awesome.

yep thats all for my dorkish ramblings... peace

Let the night live on........ arrrr
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Back in sucky NJ [Aug. 28th, 2004|10:42 pm]
Yup... sadly enough, I am back in NJ. New York was fun. It's actually been a year since I've been in that area.... kinda scary that I was away from there for that long. Well lets see... I met some really cool guy from Saranac. We hung out with him Wednesday night... I was hanging with Matt and Mac for the second night in a row, and I really felt like the third wheel, so they were in the area and we got more people to hang out with us. That was Andy and his cousin Matt. So we all wound up going out to Vermontville, where his cousin has a camp and we set off some fireworks and stuff... it was sweet. Then his cousin left and the four of us hung out by the Depot. Thursday, we met them at the docks by our cabin and got a boat for an hour and went out to the bluff on saranac lake to jump off and swim. Lol mac and matt jumped off the middle part. so yeah, then we hung at the cabin, and and his cous left, came back, and we went out to the camp again... this night was more interesting with the fireworks lol ;-). then we went to his house, me mac matt and him. hung out there again last night (our last night there sadly). I wanted to stay an extra day... but yeah, i was sorta forced to come back today. oh well. hopefully and most likely ill be hanging out with Jon tomorrow up in North Jersey. Erggg gettin there with not being able to get my paychecks tomorrow should be interesting... but oh well. Cant work Monday or Tuesday... I have Brookdale orientation.

Anywho life is interesting. Starting college on the 7th. Most of my friends are already at where they are going to college. They're already set up in their dorm rooms and everything, living it up. But it looks like I'm stuck here for another year at community college, doing verrrrrrry easy mid-level art courses and english. Then off to NYC probably (hmmm not looking forward to the city, but i'm sure I will manage to survive its wonderful obstacles plus not being able to have my car there. Awhhh and I love my car... it's awesome... 5 speed. ahhh nice stuff. I love driving my car. Although 5 1/2 straight hours of driving was quite enough today.

I'm gonna make a trip up to the Lake Placid area sometime in later September or early October (when mac might go) to visit some of my friends and to be up there. I told Matt to come and visit us sometime in September in NJ. Lol the beach... the mall. God i hate the mall though. walking is cool with my music playing sometimes... some mellow stuff, heavy instrumental or some hard music. But yeah the beach, shit I gotta get out and surf soon. I think I went twice.... maybe even only once. I've been working and going out with friends at night.... no excuse for not surfing though. I'm also starting up my new plan of an excercise plan... bike tredmill and the workout gym on campus that i get to use for free (weee!!!!).
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fun stuff [Aug. 20th, 2004|10:13 am]
[mood |sleepysleepy]
[music |"P5hng Me A*wy" Linkin Park]

I saw John last night finally, before I go away. I'm leaving for NY tomorrow. fun stuff. fred of course is not gonna be up there. hmmmm i wondddder. well anywho... more freedom to party, get drunk and get high. i also plan to go to canada... with like mac and alex. and when matt gets back up there, we all might go up... well without alex... he's leaving monday i think.... just going up for 3 days to hang out.

Oh wow, I'm obsessed with Chester from Linkin Park. What a hottie. LOl Anywho, I gotta go to work in like 30. so yeah... i guess ill be writing after the 28th when i get back. until then, just hope im not dead... haha lol
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weird mood [Aug. 16th, 2004|04:49 am]
[mood |angryangry]
[music |"Not Enough" -by Our Lady Peace]

There's nothing you can say, nothing you can do, nothing inbetween, u know the truth, nothing left to face, theres nothing left to loose, and nothing takes your place.

I still cant sleep and it is almost 5. Well lets see, I worked today from 1-7... I got home, got changed and got mac and went to Gary's down at Belmar for a going away thingy he was apparently having. I was supposed to hang out with my other friend today, but that didnt work out cos I was thinking we probably wouldnt have as much time as we would tomorrow... so yup now that's tomorrow after work (pizza job tomorrow). Oooo Slipknot is on Fuse (Uranium) right now. Wait and Bleed! Love this song. Anyway, yeah I'm all evil dark and depressed I guess you could say.

My friend Jon called me tonight just as I was leaving Gary's house with Mac. THat made me happy. I'm gonna see him sometime this week before I go away. I don't know when though. All I know is Tuesday, I'm hanging out with Aaron and Doug out in Millstone after work, which is gonna end at err 7. Oh fun... work until 7! I feel bad that Jon had to be subjected to an extra day of work on Saturday. I'm also sad we couldnt see each other that day. Oh well, that'll happen sometime this week like I said before. I still need to watch my movies... I have one I rented about some kid that is adopted cos the lady's baby dies at birth, and the kid supposably goes all satanic on them all.

Um yah the parents are coming back home from Michigan tomorrow. Damnit and I was having so much fun with them gone. Now theyyyyyy are gonna go all satanic on me and take this fucking machine away from me at 11, tell me to get off the phone, and all this controlling sadistic bull-shit. I hate parents sometimes, I really do.

In the mean time, I haven't talked to Fred in a few days. he is being an asshole and hasn't called me. he's not even gonna be up in NY when we go this Saturday. Wtf is his problem. I don't get it anymore. He never called me back today. I feel like shit because of it. Am i not good enuff to call. I could be dead and he wouldnt even know, cos he doesnt seem to give a shit right now. He would never know cos he doesnt keep in touch with me too great. Whatever... this is depressing me again. Grrrr. Well laters.
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Psycho activity (activities for the psycho community) [Aug. 14th, 2004|03:30 am]
[mood |crazycrazy]
[music |black eyed peas]

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